Sedated Maria is Sedated...Installment 1

For starters, I must educate you all on the Big Effing Cross. Located in Effingham (yes, the town's real name), the Big Effing Cross is exactly as you would image. It's big, it's a cross and it's in Effingham.


So, after my 2.5 hour drive, I figure out how to get to the cell phone lot. I hung out for a little bit and then got a call from our lovely Maria who had just landed. I made my way to the arrivals area, but Maria is standing in the shuttle bus section and the dude there won't let me just grab her and go. So I pull up farther for the place Maria was apparently supposed to be. The lady directing traffic was not happy that I was not leaving because Maria wasn't yet at my car. But no way in hell was I about to try to make the loop around. Maria caught up to me and got in the car. I don't know why these airport peeps were being mean, my car clearly has Mass license plates indicating I am not from the area (please note: it was my first time at that airport and I've decided I hate it and will never fly through there).

So, Maria gets in the car and I realize she is Sedated Maria. She's pleasant and agreeable. It's interesting. She took two pictures of us in the car upon me getting back on the highway (after dealing with the stupid GPS not doing what it's supposed to do).



After driving awhile, with Sedated Maria being agreeable the whole time, we got to the hotel. During the drive though, I told Maria I was going to have to pick up the cake topper from the florist and drop it off at the reception before the reception for Dori since I'm going to be near the hall when I go to pick up the pottery we made for her bachelorette party last week. (Notice that is two errands I am dragging Maria along on.) She was fine with all of it. Very weird. Sedated Maria is oddly agreeable and ok with everything.

When we got to the hotel, they didn't book my reservation right. For starters, they had my first name as Fountain. Sedated Maria thought this was just great. Had a good moment with that. Anyway, they booked the hotel for tomorrow night and Sunday instead of tonight. We waited forever for him to look for something and he finally found a smoking room available for tonight and tomorrow. The room smells gross. Maria went right up to the room though while I grabbed my bags from the car.

I got to the room and Sedated Maria is lounging on the bed, watching TV. I grab the laptop to check Praino's email about ComiCon in NY for October and the big news of Ed Westwick being there.


I made oatmeal cookies (not oatmeal RAISIN, just OATMEAL) and Sedated Maria got awkwardly excited about them. She joined me on the bed to chat with you ladies whilst eating cookies the whole time. She also drooled a little over the picture of EW on the ComiCon website (cookie in hand the whole time). She tried on her new dress for me and it's adorable. You'll see pictures tomorrow from the wedding. After a little while Maria decided she was going to actually nap. She climbed into bed, cookie still in hand with clothes still on.

If I haven't mentioned it, I went to the Health Service clinic yesterday to find out what's up with these ridiculous allergies. The doctor prescribed me a nasal steroid spray. When I coughed I told Maria that I wasn't sick it was just allergies and I had steroids for it so it should be fine. Sedated Maria told me that the steroids would make my balls shrink to the size of raisins. Yes, that really did happen.

Praino during our chat asked if Maria resembled Lindsey Lohan:


Oddly, she does. See for yourself.




We love Sedated Maria though. She's kinda fun to play with. She's also a drug peddler though. That's a little bit scary. She offered me Xanax at least three times in just the first hour and a half together. Yup, Sedated Maria is actually Drug Dealer Maria.

I'll keep you ladies updated though on further developments in this adventure in the midwest.

P.S. I neglected to tell Maria that the church is in Illinois, just over the Missouri border, hence she thought she was getting away with not being in IL and I tricked her. Muahahahaha!

New Moon: Openly Mocking itself since July 2009

so I couldn't get it to work with a cut

Sorry Guys I couldn't get a cut to work

So enjoy these .gifs instead. 

My fav, Creeper Cormac.

Roadtrip 2010 Gchat convo

Here's the conversation that transpired between Maria and myself about the Roadtrip '10:

Maria: also, you know you're so in for roadtrip 10

me: of course

i just am trying to work out the logistics

you know that planning is not an Entourage strongsuit

Maria: well, planning is, sticking to the plan? not so much

being on time for something? never

Sent at 9:16 PM on Tuesday

Maria: I totes want to stop in Roswell

me: of course you do

and you know that planning is more than just sticking to and being on time

it's figuring out

1. how to rent the van/truck/large vehicle

2. mapping out a real route

3. figuring out food supplies

4. making praino not spazz so we strangle her

Maria: hahaha

me: 5. places to stay

Maria: we

me: 6. geting money to do this

Maria: we'll assign duties

me: 7. assigning duties

Maria: hehe

me: 8. making a chore chart with stickers

(you know that car is going to get messy)

Maria: I know

I figure we'll pack a cooler or two with food and beverages

me: 9. getting a cooler

10. getting ice

11. making sandwiches

12. making a sandwich i can eat

13. getting beverages

14. teaching founting how to drive while drunk when praino and maria start singing Xena in the car

many things we need to plan

Maria: true

you do need to learn that

me: also, i'm sooooooo posting this part of our convo on the blog for LULZ later

Maria: tell people they need to make a list of what they want to see on the trip

haha

ok

Sent at 9:24 PM on Tuesday

me: this roadtrip is going to be ridiculous

remember the mini road trip to plymouth for tea?

and you yelling at the GPS?

Maria: ridiculously fun!

it's going to be like that

me: 15. getting Maria to NOT yell at the GPS

Maria: 16. making entourage approved mixed cds

me: 17. then Fountain deleting all the Xena songs from said approved mixed CDs

Maria: 18. praino and maria sneak in Xena CD

me: 19. getting Tully to help throw the CDs with Xena out the window

20. making costumes (maybe) for Comicon

21. at least getting super cute new outfits

Maria: 20. Take out backup Xena CDs. It's happening!

me: ugh

Maria: agreed

me: 22. finding out who good is going to be there

23. figuring out a way to kidnap Pinto for the roadtrip to Comicon so they can be Kirk and Spock once we get there

Maria: 22. finding out how to kidnap saif people

me: i love when we do that!

Maria: me too!

me: it's been happening a lot more lately

Maria: long distance merge

me: for realz

with a Z

obviously

Maria: obvs

me: 24. organizing a fundraiser to be able to go

25. get Comicon tickets

Maria: oh yea

that's important

me: yeah

see, this is why we're making a list

Maria: haha

me: 26. hunting down Daivd Tennent for Praino and me

27. helping Tully live through the crazy
me: 28. figuring out how to do blog updates from the road

Maria: oh yea

me: 29. making Praino do blog updates for her blog because this is perfect fodder for the Unemployed Fan Girl

Maria: it's what it's all about

it's fan girl haven

me: i know

hence why she needs to do up to the minute posts

30. detouring up to the Napa Valley for wine
me: what else needs to be on this list?

i feel we're forgetting something

also, i'm posting this so praino can read the crazy so far and then once she's done we will group chat

Maria: haha ok

I don't know, I need to think of things

I also need to think of how many days I can take off

me: soooo

31. taking time off from work

32. seeing the future to know where Fountain is working to be able to ask for time off

Maria: right

me: 33. again seeing the future for Praino taking off time from some kind of job

Maria: can we think of anything else we need to be thinking about

me: yeah, praino

you were brought into this for a reason

you saw the list thus far

what are we missing?

Praino: yes i did

DISNEYLAND

me: right right

soo...

Praino: worlds biggest yarn ball ( or worlds biggest something)

Maria: I may opt out for disneyland

me: 34. Disneyland

what?

why?

Praino: just think about it

Maria: I've never been a big fan

me: Disney is the happiest place on earth!

Maria: which is why I don't belong there

me: also, 35. world's largest (fill in the blank)

maybe it'll make you happy?

Maria: ...

me: fien

*fine

let's just continue with the list

Praino: ok

Maria: is roswell on there?
Praino: ok

Maria: is roswell on there?

Praino: yup

it was like 3

Maria: good

grand canyon?

Praino: eh, maybe

if we have time

Maria: we'd literally drive by, take a pic and move on

that's how I feel a lot of these will go

Praino: is that wrong? to want to see Mickey Mouse me then a National Treasure?

*more than

me: 35. (maybe) grand canyon {at least photos}

Praino: yes good compromise

Maria: this is how I imagine it:

me: sorry, that should have been 36. (maybe) pictures of grand canyon

Maria: we pull up, 'quick everyone out for a photo op" take pic, pile back in car and leave

Maria is typing…

Praino: i m ok with that

Maria: I'm not a lingerer

me: fine

Praino: except when we have 5 hour dinners

me: good thing i put figuring out places to eat on there

Maria: right

Praino: yes that is going to be very important

Maria: I say we save money there by packing food

me: absolutely, hence the cooler and ice

Praino: i agree, at least get lot of food

Maria: I think we should sleep in one really crappy, creepy motel

Praino: hahahaha

we can pretend we are in a horror movie

Maria: yup

Praino: and we will prob film it too

Maria: oh yea

me: i'm deathly afraid of the dark

Praino: omg can you imagine the kind of crap thats going to happen?

Maria: we can keep the lights on

me: so if they lights go out for realz, you understand i will go straight into a panic attack and stop breathing, right?

Praino: we leave the bathroom light on and leave the door ajar- i need some source of light

Maria: it's going to be the greatest trip ever

me: or craziest

Maria: will totes either end our friendships or cement them forever

Praino: also fountain: flashlights, dont think i won't have one in my purse

me: this trip does involve everthing...pictures, filming, kidnapping, creepy hotels

i always have a flashlight in my purse

Praino: i like the kidnapping

me: esp. because it's Pinto!

Praino: and Tennant. I would enjoy stealign him
Maria: I just want to get a pic with pino

pinto

Praino: that would be awesome. i just want to see the two of them together

Maria: making out?

me: no no

Praino: eh, that would be fun, but honestly just sitting within a foot of each other would make me happy

me: unless the making out is with one of us...

Maria: praino has this weird homoerotic love between guys

it's weird

me: clearly

it is kinda weird

Maria: also, I almost just called her meghan

Praino: .... thats even weirder

me: yes

also, i feel bad for when tully reads the blog

i just keep updating it

Maria: haha

Praino: hahaha it needs updating! we were slacking for the longest time

Maria: true

Sent at 9:57 PM on Tuesday

Praino: and i don't have a weird homoerotic love btw guys, just guys who have crazy bromances.

me: uh huh

that's what you say
Praino: anyways back to what we want to see

me: yes

Sent at 10:01 PM on Tuesday

Maria: oh, also, fountain. the others may come along

me: the others?

Maria: our other bffs

Praino: lol that sounds like lost

me: it did

Maria: i know

Praino: maria you didnt tell her!

me: what?

Maria: I forgot!

me: what???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Praino: maria!

Maria: christie, emily and zeina

they were there for idea birth

me: i don't know if i like this plan

you know i have no one else

Maria: they'll prob bail

you can share mine

me: i don't want to be lonely

Praino: i agree, i see lots of bailing

me: i don't want to share you!

Maria: you know the lsat time you and zeina were together, you totes ignored me!

Praino: dont worry you wont, i bet maybe one of the three will actually go

me: we did not ignore you

Maria: I doubt tulls will come, which means christie's out

me: you and i were on either side of her hence we talked aroudn her and made her giggle to the point of peeing

Praino: you never know, tulls might come

Maria: she'e awesome and you love her

have you met tulls?

me: i gave her condoms!

of course id o

*do

Maria: love tully (and you prain) but you aren't exactly known for your follow through

me: true

Maria: that's fine

prain are you mad that I called you out on the follow through?

Praino: no

its kinda true

me: awww

praino and maria had a moment of truthful realization

that's sweet

Praino: hahaha

i feel like its one of those moments where Full House music is swelling in the background

Maria: I'm just asking that you work on it

hahaha

don't say you want to do something if you're not going to

Sent at 10:10 PM on Tuesday

me: listen, i expect one of you to update the blog should you continue talking about the road trip

Praino: but i do want to talk about the road trip!

me: well then talk to maria

i'll read the blog tomorrow and we'll talk more when i'm at work

Praino: but now i think shes mad, all the lulz have gone

Maria: awesome

me: the lulz are never gone

they hibernate

and nap

Praino: lol or live in the sea

Maria: well, I just want to make sure that it's not just me and fountain in the car driving to san diego

me: 37. bring the LULZ

38. teach Praino and Tully how to drive on the highway

Praino: that is why we are planning ahead, so if anything should happen- with any of us, pulling out wise there will be time to fix it

i can drive on highways.... i just chose not to

Maria: I swear to god if you pull out, I will find pinto and tell them that hate them

also, I will warn david tennant that you plan to rape him so he can get a restraining order

Praino: !!!! thats the meanest one of all. you would tell him of my preplanned rape!?

Maria: yep

I would even hand him pics of you so he knows what you look like and can hide

Praino: !! you wouldn't

Maria: I would

me: i walk away for a second and i come back to MADNESS!

Praino: hehehe

Maria: we're not going through all this trouble of planning for you to pull out

hahha

Praino: hey- it may not be me who pulls out- what if its you?

dun dun dun, tables turned
Maria: do i ever?
me: that's a fair statement praino

maria rarely pulls out

(that's what she said?)

Praino: haha

Maria: I commit!

which is crazy for a commitment phobe

me: true

Praino: but thats why we plan now, who knows what is going on 6 months down the line. lol i was just going to write " one of us could be married or some shit" just as you wrote commitment phobe lol

me: ok

i got this

Maria: hahahahahahaha

me: 39. make signed contracts stating that no one will hold out or their greatest fear will be used against them

40. follow through should said contract be broken

41. seal it in blood

Maria: love it
Praino: that scares me, what if its some crazy clause in there

me: no crazy clause

Praino: like....... i dunno

me: also, if any of you bitches get married, i will kill you

Praino: hahahaha

Maria: contract or no, you know i'd kill you

me: your husband, your children and your pets

Praino: quite rightly too

Maria: wow

me: yeah

Praino: pets?

me: i feel strongly about marriage right now

Praino: even marias little babies and scarlett?

well... i know you bitches would kill scarlett

shes insane

Maria: not my babies

me: if you get married between now and the roadtrip, yes i would

Maria: if I get married, I would kill myself

me: thank you

i appreciate you helping the cause

Praino: haha

Maria: no prob
Praino: scanning through this convo- and its made of crazy. and i love it

Maria: we're made of crazy

Praino: we really are, i think thats why we work so well together

me: just wait till you see it on the blog again

Praino: oh what did you do

me: i just keep updating that one blog post

Praino: also, i just noticed is the blog theme Ed Hardy?

Maria: yep

Praino: all i can see when i see/hear ed hardy is jon gosslin

Maria: who?

Praino: Jon from Jon and Kate plus 8- do you not read ONTD?

Maria: you know I skip all things reality tv related

Praino: apparenty he has been wearing redic ed hardy shirts in hopes on getting a kids clothing line

me: that is EXACTLY why we are best friends

i hate reality tv

Maria: see? exactly

Praino: i can't believe you didnt see it, you dont even have to go into the posts, just scan them

Maria: meh

no thank you

Praino: well yes, its a trainwreck and both parents are money hungry whores, but the fact remains

me: ok ladies, for realzies now, i'm going to bed

it's early and i'm a grandma, but that's ok

Praino: also fun fact- my mom got so drunk a few weeks ago watching jon and kate, she kept saying "they are such good parents. they will stay together for the kids"

Maria: I have to do the same

hahahahhaha

oh mama praino

I heart her

me: mama praino is pretty great

Praino: and she doesnt drink well, she was hungover the next day and called in sick to work

me: let's be drunk with mama praino sometime, yes?

Maria: y/y

Praino: just give her 2 glasses of wine and shes gone

Sent at 10:32 PM on Tuesday

Maria: ok, bed time for all

love you ladies

me: good night loves

Praino: night my darlings!

Maria: fountain, you're my savior!

me: i know

i'm the

Maria: so true

me: praino, figure out how to make a cut in the post so it doesn't go on for three pages

News Flash!

My brother is a douchebag. My mom just called me all pissed at him because he set up his class schedule for college with all night classes claiming he'll work 9-4 go to class from 6-10pm and somehow find time to get homework done and sleep. Not going to happen with my slacker brother. Thankfully, I have the scheduling skills of a god and managed to find all new times for him and my mom is going to send him back to BCC and make him rearrange his schedule.

The moral of this story is: My brother is a douchebag and I am awesome.

Roadtrip 2010

Here's the route I've got. 1 day, 21 hours.

Because Praino's not the only random one!

I stumbled across this tonight and decided it needed to go on the blog. Unfortunately, I don't remember how to embed it to the blog so I'm posting the link until Praino tells me how to embed it later....

7/19/09: Embedded by Praino :) 

For being awesome

I made this beauteous creation for you, think of it as a prain award for making the eyepatch pic

Entourage reunion out takes

This picture was too messed up for fb, but will find a home here. 

Also Fountain, can you photoshop a pirates eye patch on the wonky one? That would be hysterical- and that I would post on FB. 

Funny things

Here's a little story for you all....

Today, I was chatting with Maria via vchat, which is awesome (except for the creepy and annoying feedback noise), and the FUNNIEST conversation transpired.

Maria insisted she was NOT high maintenance. (Insert laughter here)
When I asked her what about her exactly was NOT high maintenance, she attempted to tell me that she's easy to get along with. And then she burst into laughter...even SHE couldn't maintain that the statement was possibly, even remotely true. There was something else too, just as ridiculous that she also couldn't even say that without having to pause for laughter.

As I'm writing this we again brought up that she said she was so easy to get along with and laughter ensued once more.

We also had a discussion about her glasses and how they're not the bows at the moment. She reminded me that the Versace ones (yes Versace) were the ones she got instead of the bows, but then apparently her dad bought her the bow ones. High maintenance.

In other news, it's going to cost me over $150 to stay in my apartment for 4 extra days until I can move into my new one. Ridiculous. So I'm moving my books and research into my office for a little while, and then my bed will eventually have to go to my friend Brooke's garage along with my desk. And the rest of my things will be at Leigh's. My clothes are going to hang out in my car for 4 days because there are too many for me to take off hangers and then pack and then have to hang up again. I'm annoyed by this whole thing. Ugh.

I talked to Maria's mom on vchat today too. That was fun. I learned that Maria's nickname as a child was Ridgie because her sister didn't like her name. Apparently Maria did not now her real name until she went to kindergarten and they weren't allowing nicknames. How funny and weird is that?

Also, Maria is OBSESSED with her dogs. We thought Praino was bad with Scarlett, Maria and the chihuahuas is much, much, MUCH worse. I know, it's hard to believe. She cuddles with them and snuggles and let's them lick her all over the face. One was even sitting in her crotch. It was awkward.

Anyway, that's all.

P.S. We're still vchatting and she's STILL insisting she's not high maintenance.
P.P.S. Maria called shenanigans on her being more obsessed with her dogs than Praino. I think we need to video tape Maria with the dogs and just review tapes Praino already has with Scarlett and let you ladies vote and decide.