Sedated Maria is Sedated...Installment 1

For starters, I must educate you all on the Big Effing Cross. Located in Effingham (yes, the town's real name), the Big Effing Cross is exactly as you would image. It's big, it's a cross and it's in Effingham.


So, after my 2.5 hour drive, I figure out how to get to the cell phone lot. I hung out for a little bit and then got a call from our lovely Maria who had just landed. I made my way to the arrivals area, but Maria is standing in the shuttle bus section and the dude there won't let me just grab her and go. So I pull up farther for the place Maria was apparently supposed to be. The lady directing traffic was not happy that I was not leaving because Maria wasn't yet at my car. But no way in hell was I about to try to make the loop around. Maria caught up to me and got in the car. I don't know why these airport peeps were being mean, my car clearly has Mass license plates indicating I am not from the area (please note: it was my first time at that airport and I've decided I hate it and will never fly through there).

So, Maria gets in the car and I realize she is Sedated Maria. She's pleasant and agreeable. It's interesting. She took two pictures of us in the car upon me getting back on the highway (after dealing with the stupid GPS not doing what it's supposed to do).



After driving awhile, with Sedated Maria being agreeable the whole time, we got to the hotel. During the drive though, I told Maria I was going to have to pick up the cake topper from the florist and drop it off at the reception before the reception for Dori since I'm going to be near the hall when I go to pick up the pottery we made for her bachelorette party last week. (Notice that is two errands I am dragging Maria along on.) She was fine with all of it. Very weird. Sedated Maria is oddly agreeable and ok with everything.

When we got to the hotel, they didn't book my reservation right. For starters, they had my first name as Fountain. Sedated Maria thought this was just great. Had a good moment with that. Anyway, they booked the hotel for tomorrow night and Sunday instead of tonight. We waited forever for him to look for something and he finally found a smoking room available for tonight and tomorrow. The room smells gross. Maria went right up to the room though while I grabbed my bags from the car.

I got to the room and Sedated Maria is lounging on the bed, watching TV. I grab the laptop to check Praino's email about ComiCon in NY for October and the big news of Ed Westwick being there.


I made oatmeal cookies (not oatmeal RAISIN, just OATMEAL) and Sedated Maria got awkwardly excited about them. She joined me on the bed to chat with you ladies whilst eating cookies the whole time. She also drooled a little over the picture of EW on the ComiCon website (cookie in hand the whole time). She tried on her new dress for me and it's adorable. You'll see pictures tomorrow from the wedding. After a little while Maria decided she was going to actually nap. She climbed into bed, cookie still in hand with clothes still on.

If I haven't mentioned it, I went to the Health Service clinic yesterday to find out what's up with these ridiculous allergies. The doctor prescribed me a nasal steroid spray. When I coughed I told Maria that I wasn't sick it was just allergies and I had steroids for it so it should be fine. Sedated Maria told me that the steroids would make my balls shrink to the size of raisins. Yes, that really did happen.

Praino during our chat asked if Maria resembled Lindsey Lohan:


Oddly, she does. See for yourself.




We love Sedated Maria though. She's kinda fun to play with. She's also a drug peddler though. That's a little bit scary. She offered me Xanax at least three times in just the first hour and a half together. Yup, Sedated Maria is actually Drug Dealer Maria.

I'll keep you ladies updated though on further developments in this adventure in the midwest.

P.S. I neglected to tell Maria that the church is in Illinois, just over the Missouri border, hence she thought she was getting away with not being in IL and I tricked her. Muahahahaha!